First Day of Preschool

After a week and a half of waiting from a very not so patient four year old, the first day of preschool finally arrived.  Jessenia is going to an in-home preschool this year since I had a few issues with her school at the end of last year.  Her teacher came highly recommended and even though it is still 20 minutes from our house (same as last year) it was the closest/cheapest/best I could find.  Jessenia still calls it her "Preschool House".  As in, "At my Preschool House today, we...".  I guess because last year she went to preschool at a church so it was more of an official building and this year she goes in a house.

 Here she is with Brisbane (to avoid the tantrum....sensing a pattern here?).

And there is her big smile for her first day!  She loves going to school and loves everything about it.  She is learning tons and brings home the cutest little projects. 
One Preschool Story for you:
Jessenia has become quite the jabber box in the last six months.  Mack and I can't believe this is the same little girl who would not even speak to Mack when she first came to live with us.  Seriously, if she ever spoke to him it was so quiet that he couldn't hear.  I spent the first six months translating because she would sit on his lap and tell me what she was saying in a clear voice but wouldn't talk to him.  Her teacher tells me that she is not shy at all at school and is a "perfect preschooler".  That's my Girl!
When she gets in the car after school, she always has a million things to tell me.  All about what she learned, what she had for snack, who got a time out, where the blue group sat, where the red group sat, and on and on.  This particular day they had learned the number two and so she had an Indian headband thing on with two feathers in it.  Reese asked her what it was and she told him she was an Indian. 
Reese:  You don't look like an Indian.
Me:  Jessenia, you are the cutest Indian I have ever seen.
Reese:  You don't look like an Indian.
Me:  Jessenia, you are the cutest Indian I have ever seen.
Reese:  You do NOT look like an Indian.
Me:  Reese!  Back off, dude!
Then I muttered to myself that she not only looks like an Indian but since she is full blooded Guatemalan, she IS of Indian descent.  And let's face it, she looks more like an Indian than any of those blonde haired blue eyed kids in her class that were wearing the exact same headband.  But Reese is the authority on all things Indians and Chicken Killing apparently.  Good Grief!

Choo-Choo!

What is a mother to do when she is desperate for entertainment for her kiddos during a hot Phoenix summer?  Have them build a train!

 All it took were a few chairs and some stuffed animal friends!

 The kids played this game three days in a row.

The conductor yelled, "All Aboard!"  When all of the stuffed animals were loaded, we all started "Chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga"ing.  Until the conductor put on the breaks with a "screeeech!"  And then it started all over again.  The game was relatively fight free.  Except for the stuffed animals who kept arguing over who got to be the conductor.

How To Kill A Chicken

Mack reminded me of this dinner conversation that had happened while he was gone and I thought I should record it for posterity.  One night I was eating dinner with the three kids.  We were having chicken.  When Reese said....

"Mom, how do they kill chickens?"
Jessenia:  They use a sword.
Me: <snorting>
Reese:  No they don't!  They shoot them with a gun!
Me: <more snorting>  They definitely don't use a gun.
Jessenia:  They use a sword.
Me:  I don't think they use a sword either.
Jessenia:  Probably a knife then.
(Before I can nod approval for her good logic and reasoning.)
Reese:  No, Jessenia.  They shoot them with a gun!
Me:  Reese, Jessenia is right.  People use knives to kill chickens.  Guns would be too messy.
Reese:  I think they use a gun.
Me:  You're wrong.  Any chicken that people eat is not killed with a gun.
Reese:  Have you ever killed a chicken?  They use a gun.
(Shocked and appalled that my son does not believe every word I say.  Horrified that he is obsessed with gun violence against chickens.  Personally affronted that I am not the reigning authority in the house on chicken killing for food when I am the only person over the age of six.)
Me:  Let's call Grandma.  She has killed chickens.  If she says that they use guns, then I will believe you.
Reese:  Ok.

I then proceeded to call my mother and while on speaker phone, in the middle of dinner, while we are eating chicken, she describes to my three small children how they hung chickens upside down and slit their throats.  Or cut their heads off and watched them run around.  Or wrung their necks.
Jessenia was pleased that she was right about the knife thing.  Reese believed his grandmother but was still skeptical that the above mentioned methods were better for producing edible chicken then shooting them with a gun.  Boys will be boys, I suppose.

Firsts--Kindergarten

Public education is finally upon us.  Reese entered Kindergarten this fall and I must admit that I had mixed feelings about it.  I loved sending my kids off to preschool three days a week last year.  It gave Brisbane and I some much needed one on one time.  Allowed me to get errands run with only one kid.  And after some tough adoption transitioning, gave all of us a bit of a break.  But Kindergarten seems like so much more.  It's every day.  I actually care that he learns something.  I certainly have an opinion about public education and was worried about being "That Mom" (for the record... I am <hangs head in shame>).  But Reese and I had had a really hard summer.  Without Mack here, it was just me versus the kids and Reese was in major testing mode.  I think we both needed a break.  I needed to reassess some priorities as a parent.  And he desperately needed some more structure since pregnant mom during the summer had left much to be desired in that department.

I wasn't too worried about how Reese would feel about Kindergarten.  He loved preschool and so I thought he would be pumped about going to school everyday (plus it is only half day and actually less minutes than preschool).  Two days before school started I lugged all three kids to Back to School/Meet the Teacher Night (Mack had better be home next year for that, because I do not want to take all five of the little squirts next year by myself.).  We walked into the classroom and I put on my most excited, happy, enthusiastic face.  I could tell right away that this was not going to go well.  Reese had "the look".  His teacher told us we could choose a seat where there was a little gift for him and some paperwork for me (parents always get the worst deals).  I told Reese he could choose and he just looked at me and said, "Mom.  I don't want to do this."  By "this" he meant the whole thing.  The kid just wanted to run out the door.  I assured him it was going to be great and told him he could pick any seat he wanted (it didn't matter since it wasn't as if he was going to sit there on the first day of school).  But he couldn't/wouldn't.  So I chose a seat and asked Jessenia to try to keep Brisbane from screaming since he was not at all traumatized and wanted to run around the whole room touching everything.  Unfortunately for him, he was locked in his stroller, which he was protesting at the top of his lungs.

Once we found a seat, I hastily filled out the paperwork and we got the heck out of dodge.  Reese had his small gift of play-doh and a pencil in hand.  I wish I could have walked him around the room and shown him all of the cool things that he was going to get to do, but Brisbane was disrupting half the hallway.  So I quickly pointed out the Alphabet and reminded him that he knew all of his letters....and that was fun.... or something.

Now we are two days before school is starting and I am in full panic mode.  I had every intention of sending Reese on the bus the first day because I had the other two kids and knew that the school drop-off was going to be a disaster on the first day.  But now I wasn't so sure.  I was paranoid that Reese would simply protest getting on the bus since he had already tried to boycott Kindergarten all together.  But I prayed and decided that if I couldn't get him on the bus, I would drive him over to the school right quick.

We laid out his clothes and school supplies the night before.  I assured him he had made good "First Day of School Clothing Choices" (boy was I laying it on thick).  And the next morning, he woke up ready.

I knew he was nervous about the bus (he talked about it a lot).  But I assured him again that it would be ok and at the end of the day all three of us would be waiting for him.

 Here is the obligatory picture with Brisbane to avoid a full blown tantrum.

And there is my big Kindergartener.  When I took him to the bus stop that morning he was a bit traumatized by all the middle schoolers who knew each other (his school is K-8).  But I waited with him and didn't make him get in line until the bus pulled up.  And then he walked over to the bus like he had done it a million times and got on.  He didn't even look back.  And I didn't cry.  It was as if we were both old pros. 
Brisbane was devastated that he didn't get to ride the bus.  Jessenia was crushed that it was two weeks before preschool started.  When Reese got home, he told me he had had a great day.  And we were both so proud!
P.S.  He admitted to me two months later that he had gotten lost on the first day of school.  (I specifically asked him about that when he had gotten home and he said nothing about it.)  He hadn't known where to go when he got off the bus at school and couldn't find a teacher (which is what I had told him to do).  He said that he thought he was going to cry because he had been so scared.  "But don't worry, Mom.  I don't get lost anymore and am not scared." 

Horses!

During our trip to Snowflake this summer, Brisbane fell in love.  With horses.  Mack's parents own two horses that are corralled in their backyard.  Mack often gets hoodwinked into taking the nieces and nephews for rides on the horses when the family gets together.  Our kids have never been the slightest bit interested (Reese and Jessenia were terrified and Brisbane has always been too little).  But this trip, Brisbane wanted on a horse. Bad.  Mack was super busy the whole month with his rotation and our quick trip to Utah took up an opportune horse riding weekend.  But on our last day in Snowflake, Mack saddled up Teancum for the kids to have a ride.

 The horses don't like to be separated.  The brown horse, Flicka, is the mother of the paint, Teancum, and whenever Teancum is taken out for a ride, Flicka has a meltdown running all over the corral.  It also causes Teancum to be very stubborn on the ride and it isn't always safe for little kids with him bucking and refusing to move.  So we solved that problem by deciding just to have the kids ride around the corral, where Flicka could follow at her leisure.  For those who are wondering why I don't just saddle up and join the fun, I will let you in on a not so secret... I am terrified of the horses.  Mack had me get on Teancum once and he totally bossed me around because horses smell fear...and I reek!  Plus Flicka is a little old to be ridden.

 Brisbane had to go first.  Two reasons.  One:  There would have been much weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth if he was denied for one more second.  Two:  The other kids weren't completely sure that they even wanted to ride the horses.  They are genetically related to me.  But rest assured, I lied and told them it was totally awesome and fun (because I don't want my kids to grow up being afraid of everything like me).
Brisbane LOVED it!  When it was his turn to get off he pretty much just wanted to chase Teancum, Mack, and whomever else was riding.  Yeah, kids don't understand that rule, "Never walk behind a horse!"

 Jessenia is second bravest of the bunch, so she went next.  She was not nearly as excited as Brisbane, but agreed that it was a good time.

After Reese saw that nobody was mortally wounded from the horse riding, he took a turn.  I think he thought it was ok.  He probably would do it again, but I don't think it is his primary goal in life to be an avid horseman.
As soon as Reese was off, Brisbane needed another turn.  And it has pretty much been non-stop horse-mania ever since.  As soon as I got home from Snowflake, he was begging to go back and "ride the horseys!"  My mother has been buying books about cowboys and horses and sending them to us just to feed his obsession.  He has stolen Reese's two horses from Reese's Lincoln Logs set and claimed them as his own.  And every time we drop off or pick-up Jessenia from school, we drive by a place that boards horses.  We are talking dozens.  He lets me know every time that we are coming up on the horseys.  When we get there, he yells, "HORSES!  HORSES!  HORSES!" over and over again until I acknowledge that there are in fact horses.  (Bear in mind that we have been doing this three days a week for over two months now).  Then he proceeds to tell me that all of the horses are named Teancum.  And we can't ride Flicka, because, "she too old" (in sad pathetic Brisbane voice).  In fact, the kid knows every horse within ten miles of our house and lets me know when we are about to drive by one.  Because wouldn't we all hate to miss that?
And now he wants to be a horse for Halloween.  I am still trying to convince him that the chicken costume we own is good enough for a two year old.  But I am starting to cave.  We will see.

Drowning

DISCLAIMER:  We talk about the difference between birth parents and parents all the time at our house.  It is a really difficult concept for a five, four, and two year old to understand.  Particularly when their mother is currently pregnant.  In the following conversation, I ignored the blatant confusion about birth parents because there seemed to be deeper concerns.  Good times ahead.

Setting:  Eating Dinner.
Characters: Me, Reese, Jessenia
Minor Character/Observer: Brisbane

Reese:  Are you going to be scared if the doctor has to cut the babies out of you?
(Background Info:  We have talked about how the babies are going to be born in the past.  We talked about C-sections and vaginal deliveries in the most toddler appropriate ways.)
Me:  No, I won't be scared.  The doctors are very good at their job and it will be very safe.
Reese:  Ok.
Reese:  I want to be there when the babies are born.
Me:  Sorry, Buddy.  They don't let kids be there because it is too distracting. (Me ignoring all the other reasons that my 3 children will not be allowed in the room while I am delivering the twins.)
Reese:  WHAT!?
Me:  Plus, it's kind of gross.
Reese: Gross!?
Me:  Yep.  There's blood.
Reese:  Blood!  How much!?  How long are you going to bleed!?  It's from them cutting you isn't it?
Me:  Kind of.  They clean it all up and it isn't for very long.
Reese:  Oh.  Ok.

Jessenia:  When I was in your tummy, and you took all those vitamins and drank water, I was scared.
Me:  Why were you scared?
Jessenia:  Because I was going to drown!
Me:  <laughing>.
<Insert long conversation about stomachs and uteruses & babies not drowning.>
Me:  The babies are floating in liquid though.  They drink it. (I intentionally left out the bit about them peeing because I didn't want my kids to have any ideas about drinking urine.)
Reese:  That is so weird!

End Scene.

I found it particularly hilarious that Jessenia has watched me drinking water and taking prenatal vitamins for the last six month and thought that the babies were going to drown from my liquid intake.  The beauty of life through the eyes of a four year old.

Flashlight Tour--Take Two

Since we had so much fun at the Desert Botanical Garden's Flashlight Tour last year (you might remember me referring to it as the best thing we had done in Phoenix), we thought we would try it again this year.  In July, Mack left for a three month tour of out of town rotations and so I knew we needed to squeeze it in before then.  To be perfectly honest, it was not nearly as impressive as last year.  Can we all take a collective breath and say, "Budget Cuts?!"  We also probably went too early, since we only needed our flashlights for the last fifteen minutes.  But in our defense, there were a LOT more stations last year, a LOT more walking, and they took out all but one of the kid centers.  So we were expecting it to take a bit longer.

Despite all of this, the kids had a great time, and that made their parent's happy.

 Here they are checking out the tarantula.  It was gross.

 Last year we had very few takers on the opportunity to touch the King Snake.  This year, everyone touched it except Brisbane.  You can kind of see the look on Jessenia's face (behind Mack's arm) after she had taken her turn.  Snakes are cool (from a very far distance).

 We have a bit of an obsession with geckos at our house.  There used to be a Geico billboard right outside our neighborhood.  Anytime we pulled up to the intersection, Brisbane would yell, "GECKO!  GLASSES!  GECKO!  GLASSES!"  And he would keep repeating it until you said, "Yes Brisbane.  The Gecko is wearing sunglasses".  They took the billboard down a few months ago and Brisbane was crushed.  Thanks a lot, Geico!  Ruining a kid's life like that!  But we have found a new Geico billboard a little further away that we don't pass as frequently and Brisbane now says, "GECKO!  Glasses all gone."  (Since that Gecko is not wearing glasses.)

 The one kid area.  Here the kids tried their hand at dam building again.  I think they have improved over last year.

And then we saw the tortoise and we were heading home.  We really don't get out enough.  Maybe next year.  (I just laughed as I typed that.  Do I honestly think I will get out more with twins than without?  Didn't think so.) Maybe in ten years.

Is That A Real Family?

Today a very well intentioned friend asked, "Are they brother and sister?", while pointing to Jessenia and Brisbane.  The first snarky thought that popped into my head was "DUH!"  This lady knew the most basic answer to that question and since I knew her intention was not to offend and she is someone that I see frequently on a semi-professional basis, I did not say "duh" and walk away.  A more tactful way to ask her question would have been, "Are they biological siblings?"  But of course I knew what she meant and gave her the long run down of which of my children are biologically related and which aren't. 
I read several blogs written by people who have adopted/about adoption and so I have read several posts about "Awkward/Rude Things People Ask About Adopted Children".  Most of them are hilarious because the questions are so offensive that any well-adjusted individual should know that it is probably not the right thing to ask.  We obviously get asked a lot about adoption.  Most people are very well intentioned.  We are not easily offended and like to give everyone the benefit of the doubt.  But for the fun of it (and because my friend made me think of it today) I thought I would write some of my favorite questions/comments that make me cringe.

1. "What does their father look like!?"  Yeah, that's weird.  When I have all of the kids at the grocery store, I get a lot of stares (and the demographic that stares in the most awkward and appalled sort of way is always older men...cracks me up).  Obviously I know what a lot of people are thinking about as they see my dark skinned and dark haired children with a very pale skinned, blonde haired mother.  But when people verbalize it in such a way, it is pretty awkward.  My response.  "Blonde haired and whiter than me."  Then they don't know what to say. 
I recently read about a Caucasian man who had his biracial daughters at Wal-Mart with him and a customer called security, who then called the police, because they didn't seem to "fit".  Come on people.  Adoption is so much more prevalent in society.  Interracial marriages are so much more prevalent.  And who is to say that the man wasn't babysitting or helping out a family or friend.  This scenario is so ridiculous.  Please don't call the cops on our family!

2.  "Are you their real mother!?"  It is important when you know someone has adopted to make a clear delineation between birth parents and the children's actual parents.  I am my children's REAL mother.  I even have a birth certificate and some expensive court documents (that cost me nearly $20 to be replaced if the staple is removed) that state as much.  It doesn't get more "real" than that, folks.

3.  "Aren't your kids so lucky that you adopted them!?"  We actually think that we are the lucky ones.  This idea that we somehow "saved" our kids is really grating to me.  Brisbane's mother was a great woman.  She made a very difficult decision when she placed him for adoption.  His life would have been wildly different if she had raised him.  But that doesn't mean that he needed saving.  Reese and Jessenia's parents fought very hard to regain the rights to them.  It is still uncertain what happened to them and since the courts could never determine how Reese's injuries were sustained, they were put up for adoption.  There is a good chance (I like to believe) that if they had been returned to their birth parents, they would have been loved and taken care of.  Again, their lives would have been very different from how they are going to be raised, but that's ok.  Just because someone is raised differently or not in what might be viewed as a 'normal middle class home' does not mean that they need to be saved by adoption.  Yes, we are very grateful that each of our children are in our home.  Yes, we believe strongly that they are meant to be raised by us and sealed to us forever.  But make no mistake.  Luck has nothing to do with it.

5.  "You are just so amazing for what you have done for those children."  For the record, we didn't adopt because we wanted to be heroes.  We adopted because we wanted children.  (Selfish, huh?)  I am no more amazing than any other mother who is diligently raising her children and desperately praying that they will grow up to be contributing members of society.

These last two are a little bit different in nature and potentially more controversial. 

4.  I don't have a specific statement here.  But on several occasions people have made comments to me about living in neighborhoods with minorities or sending their kids to school with minorities or something else to that effect.  One of the easiest decisions Mack and I had to make when filling out paperwork for adoption was what races/ethnicities of children we were willing to accept.  Any and all! 
Please remember that when you make comments like that, you are talking about MY kids.  My sweet little kids.  My sweet kids who ask at dinner why their skin is darker than their parents.  My kids who wonder why they don't have to wear sunscreen and why when they do it won't rub in all the way.  My sweet kids who are being raised to know that how we treat people should not be based on what someone looks like or what color their skin is.  We are all children of our Heavenly Father and loved dearly. 
Also know that transracial adoptions are very hard on parents.  We want our children to be accepted.  We want them to feel loved.  It is something that we consciously worry about.  Our children will always be raised by white parents.  But Reese and Jessenia will also always be full blooded Guatemalan.  And Brisbane will always be biracial.  It is sad when people are so absorbed in worrying about petty differences, like the race of the people who live on their street or attend their child's school.

5.  "You're pregnant!  That ALWAYS happens to people who adopt!"  Of all of the questions/comments I have listed, this is the one we hear the most frequently (and we are only five months pregnant).  It is also the comment that makes me most physically ill (and no, it's not morning sickness).  When we started the adoption process, people used to say.  "As soon as you adopt, you are going to get pregnant!"  While this is probably said in jest or in an attempt to bring hope, it is actually quite offensive.  It devalues and belittles the struggles that thousands of couples go through with infertility.  Infertility is a very complicated process and even though you may have heard of or read on Facebook about one person that got pregnant right after adopting (I certainly know one person personally) it is not the reality for the HUGE majority of couples.  After doing invitro, we learned that medically speaking we have virtually no chance of every conceiving children naturally.  While Heavenly Father can make anything happen, it is unlikely that one day I will just find out that I am pregnant without having to have shots and a million doctors appointments. 
So when I finally did become pregnant (through invitro) and people made comments about families who adopt always getting pregnant, I seethed.  We spent an exorbitant amount of money on just the chance that we MIGHT be able to be pregnant.  There are never any guarantees with fertility treatments.  And it wasn't like it just happened naturally for us.  A lot of blood, sweat, tears, prayers, faith, and hope went into this pregnancy.  I just wish people were more sensitive to the individual stories and struggles of people and couples.

Hopefully that was enlightening to some people.  It certainly was therapeutic to write out.  We love talking about adoption and are always happy to share our struggles with fertility.  I am hoping to write more candidly about some of my thoughts and feelings on those two subjects on my blog.  It is hard to find a way to honor my family through the tough experiences that we have.  And it is also hard not to worry about being judged for what happens behind the scenes of adoption and infertility.  I am truly grateful for those who have supported us in our journey.  And if you have read to the end, know that the people who ask the above questions, and make the above comments, are most often not people who know Mack or I very well.  Our dearest friends and family have always been our biggest cheerleaders and we love you all for that (since who the heck else is reading this anyway?).

Random Musings About Parenthood

I was mowing the lawn tonight, which gave me a child free moment to think.  Mack is away doing medical school rotations for two months.  That means eight weeks of me vs. three children.  We have survived (and mostly thrived) these first two weeks.  But I have to admit.  It's been really hard.  It has given me lots of time to contemplate my role (and approach) as a mother.  And has made me insanely grateful for Mack.  So here are some of my random musings on Parenthood, in no particular order and with no necessary correlation.

• I have total, complete, and utter empathy for single parents as well as a hell of a lot of respect.  Single parenting= no back-up.  Tonight I had a migraine.  But tonight I also had three children depending on me.  (Weird, huh, that they don't just disappear at times like that?)  So despite the fact that my head was about to split open.  I drank a Pepsi, took my pregnancy approved prescription meds, laid on the sofa for ten minutes and then got to work.  I mowed the lawn, brushed teeth, read scriptures, said family prayers, tucked three kids into bed, did the dishes, and picked up.  There is no slacking when it is just you taking care of things.  To all the single parents, I love you and I am proud of you.  To all those who chose single parenthood (i.e. adopted children or otherwise), I think you are mostly insane, but am super impressed.
• I think it is totally unnecessary when people tell something they did with their kids and then follow it up with, "I know, Parent of the Year."  I will admit to using a similar expression once on my blog.  When I did it, I used it with some trepidation.  But since I thought what I had done was actually hilarious (trapping all 3 of my kids in a tunnel at the same time) and not a sign of bad parenting, I deemed it acceptable.  Following are three examples that I see parents making excuses for or feeling bad about.
• "I just served my child macaroni and cheese with hot dogs for lunch.  Parent of the Year."  Ugh.  I give my kids both of those items for lunch all the time and don't see anything wrong with it.  They also eat Ramen noodles, Campbell's soup, and frozen chicken nuggets on a regular basis for lunch.  I don't think it is a sign of great parenting to make your child a sandwich from scratch or whip up a vegetable casserole for lunch every day.  Maybe this annoys me so much because I hate making lunches.  I much prefer making dinner to lunch, weird huh?  But I don't think giving your child a pre-prepared item on their plate is a sign of lazy or bad parenting.  You want to know why?  Because my kids eat it.  It may not be the most nutritious item in the world, but they are at least not starving.  I try my best to give them healthy sides (i.e. include a fruit, vegetable, dairy, grain, and some sort of desserty item) but that doesn't always work out either.  So let's cut each other some slack and stop trying to make ourselves feel bad about a few Ramen noodles (remember when I used to add butter to Brisbane's?  Gross.).
• "My children watched four hours of television today while I took a nap.  Parent of the Year."  Ok, so the four hours part may be an exaggeration in this example.  But nobody cares.  I am certainly not judging anyone for how much television their kids watch.  Most parents have an ideal "limit" that they try to keep screen time under.  Ours is two hours a day (this is Medical School approved according to Mack).  That usually consists of two shows on PBS in the morning (because Brisbane would rebel if he didn't get to see Dinosaur Train) and 30 minutes of LeapPad in the afternoon).  But even though that is our ideal, we fudge it a lot.  Especially now that I am a pregnant and alone, the television is a great help.  Thank goodness my mother sent old Bugs Bunny and Tom and Jerry cartoons on DVD for my kids to watch.  It kept all three of my kids totally engrossed while I mowed the lawn tonight.  I needed to mow at the coolest time of the day and when it was light out.  Plus there was no way I was getting up at 5am.  So 7:00 tonight was it.  What is a girl to do?  Plop the kids in front of the tv.  Do I feel bad about it?  Not. One. Bit.  There is a lot more to parenting then engaging with your children and keeping them away from electronics.  There are chores to be done, meals to be made, and every parent needs a break.  So don't worry about it.  We all do it.  And all of our kids are going to turn out fine.  Just think, my kids could be watching "Rise of Chucky" (which back when I was a teacher, my fourth graders told me they watched garbage like that on a regular basis), so I think I'm doing ok.
• "I spent the whole day scoping out Facebook, Pinterest, and reading blogs about Food & Crafts.  Parent of the Year."  I highly doubt you spent all day doing that, since I know from personal experience, ten minutes of totally unsupervised children and you have crayon marks on the walls, fingers smashed in doors, and broken toys.  (What? Your kids don't do those things?  Interesting.) And even if those things did happen, you now can't be on the computer because you have to clean up and fix the craziness that ensued while you were distracted.  All parents "check out" or "ignore" their kids at some point during the day.  Every adult needs some time for themselves.  Am I always super proud of the amount of time I spend on social media, crafting/cooking websites, and curled up on my sofa with a book?  Of course not!  But I am human.  And I do need time for myself.  Time to be intellectually stimulated (that is obviously not referring to Facebook).  I am not one bit embarrassed about that time I take for myself each day, because in the long run, it makes me a better Mother.
• Which brings me to my last musing, the old notion, "What do stay-at-home Moms do all day?"  I have been fortunate enough to have never been asked this question.  In fact most people I know, both working Mothers and women without children, are super impressed with the amount of energy and the enormity of being a stay-at-home parent.  I have heard on several occasions, "I just could never do that".  I am sure that they could.  But I understand the sentiment completely.  Being a stay-at-home Mom is not easy.  It is emotionally, physically, and mentally draining.  I cry almost weekly about my shortcomings as a parent or lamenting the fact that I am probably ruining my children for life.  (Mack is really good about assuring me that I am not.)  There is no leaving my job.  I can't walk away at five, skip an unpleasant task and come back to it later (those little pip-squeaks expect to be fed three times a day with snacks in between, regardless), or diversify my life by separating work from play or work from home-life.  There are no rewards or pats on the back for parenting.  No big accolades for cleaning the bathroom really well or planning an engaging activity that my child will not only enjoy but will also help prepare them for school or life.  Although seeing my kids grow and develop is good enough for me.  But even with all that, I have no plans to ever do anything else. 
• Side note:  Isn't it nice to be complimented?  Next time you see a parent out and about with their kids, find something to compliment about them or their children.  It can be something simple.  I always try to do this.  Give people a thumbs up for having well behaved kids at the store.  Or even if their kids are screaming and throwing things, tell them their kids look great or compliment them for keeping their cool.  Let them know that you don't mind the fuss their kid is making.  Because I bet you they are totally embarrassed if their kid is being a pill.  And no matter what, they could use a little love.  I know I really appreciate it when people say nice things to me.  And I try to turn around and pass that compliment to my kids, whether right in the moment or when we get to the car.

It has always been my dream to be a mother and I love being with my kids each day.  They drive me crazy and make me cry but they also make me laugh and help me grow.  Being a mother is the hardest thing I have ever done but has also allowed me to progress and stretch in a myriad of ways.  I have no plans (or aspirations) to be Parent of the Year, but I do feel like despite my human nature, I really am doing the best I can.  I am far less judgmental of others now that I am a parent.  In fact, I am generally super proud to be a member of the Society of Parents.  Because I think in general, most of us are just trying our hardest, and doing a dang good job! 

Family Trumps Cancer: Cancer Through the Eyes of a Sister-in-Law



Three years ago we found out that my sister-in-law (Mack’s sister) had breast cancer.  I remember thinking, “It’s Shannon.  She’s tough.  If anyone can beat cancer, it’s her”.  And I think that I am still right.

Recently Shannon’s health has taken a turn for the worse and her family has watched as she, her husband, and their kids have struggled with the news that she will pass away.  When Mack and I found out how sick she was, we decided to make an impromptu trip to Utah to see Shannon, Jay, and their family.  It happened to work out that Mack’s parents were also going to Utah that weekend and all of Mack’s siblings would be converging on Provo at the same time.

I don’t do well with sickness.  I have an understanding with my children that they are not allowed to puke unless Mack is home.  Two of the three have followed that rule, Brisbane has yet to learn the principal of obedience.  I also don’t do well with being sad.  I am not a crier by nature but sadness and saying goodbye will get me every time.  I wasn’t sure what to expect from this trip because add all of those factors to hormonal pregnant woman and I had been a bit of a crying mess the days leading up to the trip.



 

For one thing, I hate seeing Mack sad.  Mack is definitely the more tender hearted one in our marriage.  He is sensitive and caring and sincerely wants to see everyone around him happy.  Having to watch him watch his sister be sick has been devastating to me.  After we got back from our trip to Utah, we were lying in bed one night and he said, “I get to die first.  You aren’t allowed.”  This is a bit of an ongoing debate with us, but it is usually light hearted banter (since we realize we have no control over which of us dies first).  He said, “I can barely stand watching my sister sick, you definitely can’t leave me”.  It broke my heart all over again.

But back to our trip.  When we got home, Mack described it at the perfect combination of sadness and really good fun.  The siblings all shared some of their best memories and Jay recorded his wife talking about various times in her life as her brothers and sisters quizzed her.  We ate lots of yummy food (Mack’s family is really good at the food thing) and spent lots of time visiting.  It was great to see everyone and I am so glad that we went.

 

We took lots of pictures while we were there, but this one is my favorite.  It’s just Mack and I with Shannon and Jay.  When we first arrived and I went to give Jay a hug, the first thing he said to me was, “We are SO excited for you guys!  We pray for you and the babies every night!”  This was the first time I had seen most of the family since we got pregnant.  I was so incredibly touched.  Here is a man who is suffering incredibly and experiencing one of the worst family crises I can imagine, and he is praying for ME.  Shannon and Jay have twin boys and know how excited we are to finally be pregnant.  That is one of the wonderful things about family.  No matter what you are going through in your own nuclear family or in your personal life, you always see the need and always have the desire to pray and have an increased love for your family.  We pray for Shannon, Jay, and the kids every night and are so grateful that they pray for us too.

Leaving Utah was very hard.  We had to say goodbye to all of Mack’s siblings and wonderful family and we had to say goodbye to Shannon.  We may never see her again in this life, but I thank my Heavenly Father every night for eternal families and the knowledge that because Mack and I are sealed and he is sealed to his family, we will get to see Shannon and all the rest of our family again after our mortal journey ends.

Nobody knows how long each of our individual journeys on this earth will last.  Shannon has defied medical odds to still be here today.  I knew three years ago that she was a fighter and after spending two days with her a few weeks ago, that thought has been reaffirmed.  Cancer hasn’t beaten her.  In the end, cancer doesn’t get to win.  Our Heavenly Father’s plan is what wins.  Our faith and our testimonies in our Savior, Jesus Christ, is what wins.  And for that, I am eternally grateful.



Reese's Birthday



In order to not make Jessenia feel bad, we also celebrated Reese's birthday on the wrong day.  Mack was leaving for a rotation in Snowflake and wouldn't be in town for Reese's actual birthday and so we celebrated just a few days early.

 Here is our big kid with all of his gifts.

 Reese was so excited to get a replacement puppy for the one that he lost.  Unfortunately said puppy's ears have fallen off twice and he has gotten multiple holes in less than a month.  So Rascal (Reese's name for him) went into the garbage and we are on a quest for a new Rascal ASAP.

 Reese got lots of gifts that he was super excited about.  They basically fell into one category....Cars!
Funny story:  In the above picture, Reese is holding a box that contains a massive car ramp (Disney Cars themed).  It has these little cars that race down it.  It's a pretty cool toy, although a little precarious when put together.  I set it up for him after he was in bed that night and he got to play with it the next day.  Jessenia came up to me and said, "Mom?  I forgot that I wanted a giant car ramp for my birthday."  Nice try, Missy.  You didn't forget, you are just having gift envy (even though less than a month earlier she was perfectly satisfied with all her presents).  I had to call my mom and tell her that next year I am just getting three of all the same gifts and giving them to each child on their birthday.  It will save a lot of drama later (and will make gift shopping much easier).

 I set this track up quickly while Mack worked on the more complicated toys.

 We are learning that as kids get older, their toys get more complicated.  Ugh. I will add that to my list of reasons that my kids are not allowed to grow up any more.
In a truly grown up move, Reese chose an actual sit down restaurant for his birthday dinner.  Downside: Much more expensive.  Upside:  We got to go to a real restaurant.  Upside Wins!  Thank you, Reese.  We went to BJ's (one of his mother's favorite places)... delicious.  I am pretty sure the only reason he picked it, was because it has a revolving door.  In fact when we asked him where he wanted to go, he said, "To the place with the door that spins".  Good thing Mack knew what he was talking about.  The mind of a five year old...

 Lots of candles to blow out! <wink>

Reese asked for a Finn McMissle cake (he is a character on Disney's Cars 2).  I am just not capable of that and so all along I was just planning on buying some toy cars and making sure Finn McMissle made an appearance.  Of course I was shamed when the wife of a friend of mine made her son a cake shaped like Lightning McQueen (another character from Disney's Cars).  It was awesome.  I asked my friend if she would fly down and make a cake for Reese, but since it was only a few days before my Finn McMissle cake was needed and I wasn't offering any monetary compensation, I was laughed at.  (I know, the nerve of some people :)). 

When Reese saw the cake he was totally disappointed (which did make me feel bad, but there was nothing I could do).  Jessenia was sure to point out though that Finn McMissle was indeed on the cake.  Thanks Sis, you are always in my court.  Of course he got over it and now he is thrilled that he has four new cars to play with.  I have refrained from rubbing it in that if I had made a cake shaped like Finn McMissle, he wouldn't still be playing with it a month later.  Boo-yah!

We love our Reese and his spunky personality.  We may not always see eye to eye (he told me right around his birthday, "I make my own rules and those are the only rules I follow".) but he is one big bundle of love.  This kid gives the best  squeezes and is always ready to discuss any and everything going on around him.  I love his curious mind and can't wait for the adventures that being five will bring.

Drunk on Chocolate

No members of our family will be referring to Summer 2013 as the most fun they have ever had.  Hopefully our kids are just young enough to not think of it as the "Summer My Mother was a Complete Borefest and Laid on the Sofa All Day and Only Talked to Us When We Were Getting a Consequence for Misbehavior That Occurred in the First Place Because We Were Bored".  Aka The Summer I Was Pregnant with Twins. I have been really tired and 120 degree weather does not inspire this mother to get out much.  Sorry kids.

So it was the 4th of July, Mack was home and not studying for Boards, and I decided to spice things up a bit.  No fireworks in unincorporated parts of Maricopa county and so the kids were out of luck there.  Instead we made a fun treat.  And it was a mess.  The kids put two jumbo marshmallows on a popsicle stick.  Mack covered them in melted chocolate and I helped the kids roll them in red, white, and blue sprinkles.  If I had gotten this idea from Pinterest, it definitely could have made one of the many "Pinterest Fail" websites.  They were semi-cute (but mostly ugly) and since Mack and I both think sprinkles taste gross, they were only semi-good (mostly nasty).

We had lots of extra chocolate though and so we had a little fondue party.  Where every picture taken looked like my kids were drunk.  For the record, they were not.

 Forgive Jessenia's nakedness.  She was wearing a brand new shirt and I couldn't bear the thought of chocolate stains.

 Fun much!?
Reese looks horrified in the background.  It's that hangover headache kicking in early. 

 "Must I smile?" Notice the chocolate smeared up and down his right arm.

After all that chocolate, Mack threw the kids in the shower and I cleaned up the table.  Here are the clean children (looking slightly less drunk) with their finished products.  Happy 4th of July kids!

Peek-A-Boo

Mack (a month ago):  "Brisbane gets cuter every day!"

Mack (last week):  "Brisbane gets cuter every minute!"

It's pretty much true.  

 "Peek a Boo!"

Point proven.

Jessenia's Birthday!

The year Jessenia gets to celebrate her birthday ON her birthday, we are going to have a smashing party.  Last year Mack had a test the day after her birthday so we postponed the party a few days.  This year Jessenia got her tonsils out less than a week before her birthday, so we celebrated the night before tonsil removal.  She has no idea.  And it was the best decision we could have made.  She was still miserable on her real birthday, plus she had all of her new toys to play with while she was recuperating.

 Here is the beautiful four year old, with her haul.

 She gets prettier every day.  I am a little worried about it. 

 If those presents behind him weren't so obviously not for him, I would lie and say this was his birthday picture.  We never got a good one on his day.  But he of course insisted on having a turn on Jessenia's big day.

 Jessenia is really good at loving every dorky little thing she gets.  Which makes her parents feel good, since their gifts are so clearly sub-par when compared to the gifts she gets from others.

 But this was her favorite!  Reese got a LeapPad for Christmas and Jessenia has been asking for one ever since.  I told her to ask Grandma (since she is who got Reese's) and Grandma did not disappoint.  For all those parents of toddlers, we are so glad that we have these LeapPads.  They are easier for the kids to handle than an Ipad, cheaper, sturdier, and all the games have an educational premise (some more loosely than others).  They are dreamy for road trips and doctor visits when I used to lug fifty busy bags and books to keep them entertained.  I wish we had one for Brisbane, because he is much better at it than our iPods & the games are more interesting to him. 

 More gift opening.

 Reese was a very good big brother, and even drug a chair over to watch his sister open her loot.  He didn't touch any of her things and was very excited for her.
My encouragement of Chick-fil-A after Brisbane's birthday bash, apparently did not fall on deaf ears, and that's where Jessenia chose for her dinner.  Reese and Jessenia even sat at their own little table.  It looked like two little cuties on a date.  (Reese as a teenager:  "Mom!  That's disgusting!")

 In a repeat of last year, Jessenia wanted cupcakes.  Chocolate with pink frosting.
After cake I set the pool up in the backyard and the kids had their first swim of the year.

 Brisbane refused to get in the water but played with his water table instead.

Reese and Jessenia had a blast however!
We love our sweet Jessenia.  She definitely wants to be a helper (even when her 'help' isn't really all that useful).  She is such a good big sister to Brisbane and has the biggest imagination.  We are grateful every day for her goodness and life just wouldn't be the same without her.

Dreams Do Come True

I wasn't sure this was something I was ever going to get to say: I am pregnant!

Mack and I are expecting twins, due January 17th.  I am currently 12 weeks along.  And we couldn't be more thrilled!

It has been a long road to pregnancy for us.  Several low tech fertility treatments, one surgery, three adoptions, and one round of invitro fertilization later (all over a four year span) and we finally did it.

Here is a picture of our two little embryos before they were implanted back into me: 

Yes, that is our kids sitting in a petri dish. How many people can say they have a picture of that?
Whenever we have told people that we are having twins we get that look of, "oh, I am so sorry".  We're not.  We really couldn't be happier.  I told Mack before we started invitro that if we did it, we were going to end up with twins.  I think he didn't take me too seriously.  But neither of us were all that surprised when the doctor told us there were two. 
How many kids does this make!? Yes, we realize this means that we will have five kids five and under.  I am slightly terrified by that thought.  But at the same time, wouldn't have it any other way.  We have been blessed beyond measure with the way in which each of our children has come into our family and we are equally as excited to add two more to the crew.
Do your kids know?  Yes!  We aren't the type of parents who are very good at lying to our children.  When Mack was giving me up to five shots a night, the kids were a bit curious.  So we told them that we were trying to get pregnant.  I think they think babies come from shots.  We aren't correcting that misconception yet.  Depending on the day and the child, they are mostly excited to be getting babies in the family.  Reese and Jessenia have come up with some doozy of name choices for the little tykes.  My favorite by far is "Juice".  Unfortunatly it didn't make the short list, sorry Jessenia.
When do we find out the gender?  The day the twins are born.  We want it to be a suprise.  I always imagined not knowing & even though Mack has been tempted to find out because it is twins, I am sticking to my guns.  If this is my only chance to be pregnant, we are doing it my way.  (And for the record, Mack isn't at all upset about this plan.)
How am I feeling?  Great!  I went into pregnancy thinking I would be sickest most miserable person in the universe because of my history of IBS.  Then adding the prospect of twins with double doses of hormones and I thought we were in for a wild ride.  But I have been pleasantly surprised.  Sure, I don't feel great all the time.  But I really can't complain.  It has been dreamy in comparison to what I thought I would be like.
Are we done?  I have always said that I want 9 kids.  We are on a take it one (or two) kids at a time basis.  We will just have to wait and see.
This journey to pregnancy has been a very spiritual one for our family.  We recognize our Heavenly Father's plan and His will in each of our lives.  We are thankful for the blessings that we recieve and still have faith in Him despite the struggles in our lives and the lives of those around us.  We pray for all of our friends who are struggling to concieve and/or adopt.  We hope that you feel the love of the Savior in your life, regardless of your current place in your journey.

Tonsillectomies

Brisbane landed in the ER in April with swollen lymph nodes and adenoids.  Apparently they were so swollen that they were cutting off his windpipe.  Kind of a major problem.  We spent three very hectic days in the hospital and were grateful for friends and family who watched our kids so Mack and I could tag team the Brisbane Situation. 
This resulted in Brisbane having to get him tonsils removed in early June.
We started noticing this Spring that Jessenia seemed to have some issues hearing.  I thought she was just a bit flighty and willfully ignoring her parents to boot.  But then when Reese started getting on her case for not hearing him when they were playing, I knew we had a problem.  One visit to the ENT and it was confirmed that she had massive fluid behind her eardrums.  That combined with super large tonsils and we had an issue.  She would also need her tonsils removed and tubes put in her ears. 
So two weeks after Brisbane's surgery, Jessenia had hers.  June was the month of Tonsillectomies!
How did it go?  It was basically miserable for everyone.  Brisbane was unhappy and wouldn't eat anything, which made him even more unhappy.  He got fully better about two days before Jessenia went in and then we started all over.  Jessenia wouldn't eat and she slept awful for the first week.
But we did all survive the experience and now have two less kids with tonsils.  (For the record, Reese is incredibly grateful that he did not have to have his tonsils out even if it meant slightly less ice cream consumption for him compared with the others.)  Now we hopefully won't land in the ER with a child struggling to breathe and Jessenia can hear me when I tell her to go change her clothes.  Also we now have two less people in our house that snore like truck drivers.
One last mostly related story:  Mack took the kids to church one Sunday that I was sick at home.  He came home and told me that Brisbane had fallen asleep in Sacrament Meeting and was snoring.  I didn't think much of it since Mack didn't make too big a deal of it.  Then I went to visit a lady in our ward who told me that not only was Brisbane snoring but he was snoring so loudly that members of the congregation were turning around to see where the old man that had fallen asleep was and why nobody was waking him up.  Brisbane was laying on the pew so nobody could see him.  Apparently our little boy caused quite a scene.
Thankfully, not anymore.  So what about the picture of the tunnels connected in a circle?  That's what desperate parents do to entertain kids who can't leave the house because one of the siblings is so miserable.  That's right.  All three of our children are inside those tunnels.  We are expecting our Parents of the Year Awards any day now.

Random



Brisbane is in a bit of a stage with getting his diaper changed.  We have to go through all sorts of antics to keep him from fighting us and rolling off the changing table.  This usually involves myself, Reese, and Jessenia running around with "Diaper Hats" on.  Who would have thought that Pampers was brilliant to print Sesame Street characters on their diapers?  I often resort to showing Brisbane all of the character options and letting him choose one.  Apparently it matters whether Ernie or Big Bird is gracing your bum.

This day I talked Brisbane into a diaper change by letting him wear his shorts on his head.

 What can I say?  Desperate times call for desperate measures.

 Reese and Jessenia went through about a week long phase where they went to 'school' everyday.  Reese took this new game very seriously and wore his backpack everywhere.  Lunch.  Watching tv. Playing cars.  In the above picture he is doing his Kindergarten Prep workbook pages.  I thought it was too cute with the backpack and Uncle David's combat hat.

 Last time we went to Costco I let Reese think that he got to pick something special since he had to walk and the other two got to ride in the cart.  I was already going to buy those Drumsticks but when I asked Reese, "Do you think we should get those?" and he said, "Yes!", he definately felt like he had been the deciding factor in ice cream or no ice cream.

 But that was only the beginning of the fun.  Who knew that Brisbane would (barely) fit in that box?  Reese dutifully pushed him around while making train noises.

Like I said, it was a tight squeeze.  So the box was fun and the ice cream was delicious.  Win Win!