Random Musings About Parenthood

I was mowing the lawn tonight, which gave me a child free moment to think.  Mack is away doing medical school rotations for two months.  That means eight weeks of me vs. three children.  We have survived (and mostly thrived) these first two weeks.  But I have to admit.  It's been really hard.  It has given me lots of time to contemplate my role (and approach) as a mother.  And has made me insanely grateful for Mack.  So here are some of my random musings on Parenthood, in no particular order and with no necessary correlation.

• I have total, complete, and utter empathy for single parents as well as a hell of a lot of respect.  Single parenting= no back-up.  Tonight I had a migraine.  But tonight I also had three children depending on me.  (Weird, huh, that they don't just disappear at times like that?)  So despite the fact that my head was about to split open.  I drank a Pepsi, took my pregnancy approved prescription meds, laid on the sofa for ten minutes and then got to work.  I mowed the lawn, brushed teeth, read scriptures, said family prayers, tucked three kids into bed, did the dishes, and picked up.  There is no slacking when it is just you taking care of things.  To all the single parents, I love you and I am proud of you.  To all those who chose single parenthood (i.e. adopted children or otherwise), I think you are mostly insane, but am super impressed.
• I think it is totally unnecessary when people tell something they did with their kids and then follow it up with, "I know, Parent of the Year."  I will admit to using a similar expression once on my blog.  When I did it, I used it with some trepidation.  But since I thought what I had done was actually hilarious (trapping all 3 of my kids in a tunnel at the same time) and not a sign of bad parenting, I deemed it acceptable.  Following are three examples that I see parents making excuses for or feeling bad about.
• "I just served my child macaroni and cheese with hot dogs for lunch.  Parent of the Year."  Ugh.  I give my kids both of those items for lunch all the time and don't see anything wrong with it.  They also eat Ramen noodles, Campbell's soup, and frozen chicken nuggets on a regular basis for lunch.  I don't think it is a sign of great parenting to make your child a sandwich from scratch or whip up a vegetable casserole for lunch every day.  Maybe this annoys me so much because I hate making lunches.  I much prefer making dinner to lunch, weird huh?  But I don't think giving your child a pre-prepared item on their plate is a sign of lazy or bad parenting.  You want to know why?  Because my kids eat it.  It may not be the most nutritious item in the world, but they are at least not starving.  I try my best to give them healthy sides (i.e. include a fruit, vegetable, dairy, grain, and some sort of desserty item) but that doesn't always work out either.  So let's cut each other some slack and stop trying to make ourselves feel bad about a few Ramen noodles (remember when I used to add butter to Brisbane's?  Gross.).
• "My children watched four hours of television today while I took a nap.  Parent of the Year."  Ok, so the four hours part may be an exaggeration in this example.  But nobody cares.  I am certainly not judging anyone for how much television their kids watch.  Most parents have an ideal "limit" that they try to keep screen time under.  Ours is two hours a day (this is Medical School approved according to Mack).  That usually consists of two shows on PBS in the morning (because Brisbane would rebel if he didn't get to see Dinosaur Train) and 30 minutes of LeapPad in the afternoon).  But even though that is our ideal, we fudge it a lot.  Especially now that I am a pregnant and alone, the television is a great help.  Thank goodness my mother sent old Bugs Bunny and Tom and Jerry cartoons on DVD for my kids to watch.  It kept all three of my kids totally engrossed while I mowed the lawn tonight.  I needed to mow at the coolest time of the day and when it was light out.  Plus there was no way I was getting up at 5am.  So 7:00 tonight was it.  What is a girl to do?  Plop the kids in front of the tv.  Do I feel bad about it?  Not. One. Bit.  There is a lot more to parenting then engaging with your children and keeping them away from electronics.  There are chores to be done, meals to be made, and every parent needs a break.  So don't worry about it.  We all do it.  And all of our kids are going to turn out fine.  Just think, my kids could be watching "Rise of Chucky" (which back when I was a teacher, my fourth graders told me they watched garbage like that on a regular basis), so I think I'm doing ok.
• "I spent the whole day scoping out Facebook, Pinterest, and reading blogs about Food & Crafts.  Parent of the Year."  I highly doubt you spent all day doing that, since I know from personal experience, ten minutes of totally unsupervised children and you have crayon marks on the walls, fingers smashed in doors, and broken toys.  (What? Your kids don't do those things?  Interesting.) And even if those things did happen, you now can't be on the computer because you have to clean up and fix the craziness that ensued while you were distracted.  All parents "check out" or "ignore" their kids at some point during the day.  Every adult needs some time for themselves.  Am I always super proud of the amount of time I spend on social media, crafting/cooking websites, and curled up on my sofa with a book?  Of course not!  But I am human.  And I do need time for myself.  Time to be intellectually stimulated (that is obviously not referring to Facebook).  I am not one bit embarrassed about that time I take for myself each day, because in the long run, it makes me a better Mother.
• Which brings me to my last musing, the old notion, "What do stay-at-home Moms do all day?"  I have been fortunate enough to have never been asked this question.  In fact most people I know, both working Mothers and women without children, are super impressed with the amount of energy and the enormity of being a stay-at-home parent.  I have heard on several occasions, "I just could never do that".  I am sure that they could.  But I understand the sentiment completely.  Being a stay-at-home Mom is not easy.  It is emotionally, physically, and mentally draining.  I cry almost weekly about my shortcomings as a parent or lamenting the fact that I am probably ruining my children for life.  (Mack is really good about assuring me that I am not.)  There is no leaving my job.  I can't walk away at five, skip an unpleasant task and come back to it later (those little pip-squeaks expect to be fed three times a day with snacks in between, regardless), or diversify my life by separating work from play or work from home-life.  There are no rewards or pats on the back for parenting.  No big accolades for cleaning the bathroom really well or planning an engaging activity that my child will not only enjoy but will also help prepare them for school or life.  Although seeing my kids grow and develop is good enough for me.  But even with all that, I have no plans to ever do anything else. 
• Side note:  Isn't it nice to be complimented?  Next time you see a parent out and about with their kids, find something to compliment about them or their children.  It can be something simple.  I always try to do this.  Give people a thumbs up for having well behaved kids at the store.  Or even if their kids are screaming and throwing things, tell them their kids look great or compliment them for keeping their cool.  Let them know that you don't mind the fuss their kid is making.  Because I bet you they are totally embarrassed if their kid is being a pill.  And no matter what, they could use a little love.  I know I really appreciate it when people say nice things to me.  And I try to turn around and pass that compliment to my kids, whether right in the moment or when we get to the car.

It has always been my dream to be a mother and I love being with my kids each day.  They drive me crazy and make me cry but they also make me laugh and help me grow.  Being a mother is the hardest thing I have ever done but has also allowed me to progress and stretch in a myriad of ways.  I have no plans (or aspirations) to be Parent of the Year, but I do feel like despite my human nature, I really am doing the best I can.  I am far less judgmental of others now that I am a parent.  In fact, I am generally super proud to be a member of the Society of Parents.  Because I think in general, most of us are just trying our hardest, and doing a dang good job!